Beautiful Disaster
by Orwhatwehave
Summary: He drowns in his dreams. An exquisite extreme, I know. He loves me, I'm sure he does. He just has to move on. There is more to life than pain. Yet only time will heal our wounds. Oneshot please R


**Well, I do still exist. Don't worry; I will get back to NWITW, its just taking me a lot longer than I thought- largely because my love of LJs has been swiftly replaced by Dramione fics. However, this has nothing to do with either of those ships (just thought I'd try something a bit… different) and everything to do with a strange impulse I got to write a one-shot last night while listening to Kelly Clarkson's 'Beautiful Disaster' for the first time. It's a little longer than my last attempt, and a lot more angsty, and I hope you enjoy. Also note that the song doesn't really fit much, and that the whole story is just a little bit strange, even for me. It was originally going to be about Sirius' life after Azkaban and before Prisoner of Azkaban, but that was too out there, even for me. Wow, I do have a tendency to do off on long tangents when I write Author's notes, don't I. Sorry… Oh and I don't own Harry Potter or Kelly Clarkson no matter how much I'd want to etcetera etcetera.**

He gazed out the window, watching the raindrops trickle slowly down the glass to join the damp soil below. The gloom and shadow of the rain and clouds seemed to reflect his mood in a way that could not be put in words. The same mood that he had been immersed in and out of for almost three years.

Ever since the war, the loss, the pain.

Ever since the twins.

Ever since Ron.

Ever since Ginny and Percy and Charlie.

Ever since Mum.

Ever since Fleur.

The pain was too much. Nothing could ease the incredible hurt he had suffered, that everyone had suffered. The war was over, sure, Voldemort was dead, Harry had won, good had finally conquered evil. But that seemed not to matter anymore. All that the wizarding and muggle worlds cared about was the price that had been paid.

The end of the Dark Lord's reign was supposed to have brought peace and joy to the world, but for what? Such a great sacrifice had been made. Thousands from both sides killed. And even then the happiness wasn't true.

The man sighed. It was enough that his dreams were filled with the haunting memories- he had enough to worry about without dwelling on the Final Battle in his waking hours too.

_He drowns in his dreams _

_An exquisite extreme I know_

A single raindrop stood out from the others as it dribbled slowly down the windowpane. A small shaft of sunlight had caught it from just the right angle, and it twinkled and winked with many colours (**A/N: for any people out there who spell it colors, sorry but I can't help being Aussie. Same with Mum/Mom)**. A tear rolled softly down the man's cheek, mimicking the glimmers of the water outside.

He's as damned as he seems 

_More heaven than a heart should know_

The man jumped in surprise as warm arms wrapped around his waist before he guessed the identity of the limbs and relaxed into the grip of the woman he loved. The woman he loved in guilt. He turned to kiss her gently and she responded eagerly. He pulled away after a minute or so and gazed into her chocolate brown orbs. His eyes followed down past her once bushy, now glossy brown hair and loose fitting t-shirt to her stomach, on which was a slight bump. Smiling, he placed his hands there and looked up at his fiancé. 

"Thinking of Fleur again?" She tried to hide it, but her voice still possessed traces of hurt.

"Hermione," he began softly.

"Don't worry, I didn't expect you to get over her fully. It's just- it's been three years. I thought… I lost Ron, and now I've moved on."

And if I tried to save him 

_My whole world would cave in_

"Hermione," he tried again, still more gently. "I have moved on. I loved her, but I love you more. I swear it on my heart. I just… feel guilty that's all. I mean, since you moved in I've barely visited her grave- visited any of their graves. I lost more than just my wife. The only remaining member of my family is Dad."

"But it's okay not to lament anymore, William. The world is returning to normal, time will heal all of its wounds, and I'm sure your family respects that. I- I love you too, more than I can say, and I just hate to see you like this. You can't continue in this way. It's tearing you apart. Bill, I don't want to lose you.

There are things to look forward to: the wedding, the baby; Harry's getting married too. And you know very well that you have to be happy for him- you're his best friend since Ron died, and his best man." She lifted her gaze to greet his, her eyes swimming in tears.

Gently he kissed them away. "I _am_ happy- for you, for Harry, for us. But there are other things too: people aren't taking this marriage too well. They think you just picked me because I was the last remaining Weasley, the closest thing to Ron, and they think I was just all to eager to hop into bed with anyone who was willing to come near my scarred face."

Just ain't right 

_No it just ain't right_

Hermione giggled softly and looked down at her slowly growing stomach. "I can see where they got that idea from."

A smile tugged at his lips, but he stepped back a little and turned away.

Oh and I don't know 

_I don't know what he's after_

_He's such a beautiful_

_Such a beautiful disaster_

She sighed and walked back into their kitchen to tend to the sauce she was attempting for tonight's dinner. One of Molly's old recipes. Hermione sighed again as her mind was flooded with sad memories. Even towards the end of all her friend's lives they had been trapped, emotionally and physically, in Grimmauld Place, knowing nought of what was going on in the world outside their doorstep. Those last days with them had been some of the worst in her life, at least before the war. Now all the pain seemed to mix together with the happy times, and life without Bill would have blurred into an endless monotony of survival.

_And if I could hold on through the tears and the laughter_

_Lord would it be beautiful? Or just a beautiful disaster_

Her mind travelled back to when they had met, the beginning of their flourishing relationship that had relieved much of the hardship, at least for her.

**FLASHBACK**

Hermione's gaze swept the cemetery as she laid flowers at the foot of yet another grave. But this one was special. Her love, her Ron was lying beneath all that marble and dirt. Dead.

Her hair flew softly across her face; the auburn strands and tears, obscuring her vision from beneath her thin black veil. She was a visual and emotional mess, but she didn't care.

"Why?" Her voice was soft and warm, almost a whisper. "Why did you have to die? Why did they all have to leave? Without me. Why can't I let you go?"

Her distress brought her to her knees and for a moment she just knelt there, alone, her body shuddering with heartfelt sobs. Her fists pounded the earth and she looked up at the sky. The sun was shining brightly, teasingly.

"Why!" She screamed as fresh tears streamed down her cheeks.

Warm arms wrapped around her shoulder and pulled her close to an unknown body. Turning, she looked up into the face of the last remaining Weasley child, Bill. He too, looked worse for wear- his clothes were rumpled and his eyes a blurry mess.

_He's magic and myth_

_He's as strong as I believe_

Hermione managed a weak smile, although it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"I don't know." His rumbling voice shocked her, but she realised it was in answer to her question. "I really don't know."

_He's a tragedy with_

_More damage than a soul should see_

**END FLASHBACK**

Hermione left the stove and turned back towards the living room. Her love was once again sitting in the armchair, but this time gazing into the fire, his eyes never leaving the dancing flames.

_And do I try to change him?_

_So hard not to blame him_

She walked over to him, bare feet padding softly on the rich carpet, and enveloped him in a hug.

_Hold on tight_

_Hold on tight_

"They're gone," he whispered. "They're really, truly gone, and they're not coming back. And it's time to move on. I'll miss them, but I'm moving on. I really am, Hermione. Not just trying. But actually leaving all this behind."

_Oh and I don't know_

_I don't know what he's after_

_He's such a beautiful_

_Such a beautiful disaster_

And with that he captured her lips once again in a searing, passionate kiss. When they finally broke apart, he glanced back into her eyes, his gaze holding hope, fervour, and most of all, love.

_And if I could hold on through the tears and the laughter_

_Lord would it be beautiful, or just a beautiful disaster?_

**Told you it was weird. All I want you to do is review. Doesn't matter if you thought it was crap. Review!!! Oh, and to fans of the song, sorry I didn't put in the bridge, I just didn't see how it could fit it.**


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